I actually feel a little out of my comfort zone with this is blog entry title…
…if you know me, then you know I’m not one to nit-pick or try and throw anyone under the bus!
I have a lot of respect for the hard working parents out there and think that it’s lovely that many are willing to share their journeys to help normalize, encourage, and share ideas.
Here is where I struggle with typical parenting blogs.
The majority of these blogs are based on personal experience and not on foundational truths about child development or research-based information.
Now surely, posts about the frustrations of parenting, stories that get you laughing with tears, or provide words of encouragement do not need research-based techniques… but the ones that offer advice do!
I think it’s wonderful when parents find systems or ideas that work well for them and their families…but that’s just it…it works well for THEM. And guess what…it might stop working for them two months later, but my guess is you won’t get an updated blog post about that.
There are so many factors about why certain techniques or systems work for families:
- The current nature of the parent-child relationship
- Children’s and/or parents’ personalities
- Who works in the home
- Tendencies toward defiance, anxiety, control seeking, attention seeking, sensory seeking or avoiding, attention seeking, emotional volatility
- Birth order and/or number of kids in the home
- Family history (both immediate and extended)
- Mental health diagnoses
- Income levels
- Time available
- Etc…
Here is where I get really frustrated.
Parents read a parenting blog where they’re told, “Do X, Y, and Z. It will work wonders, and you’ll see change!”
So then readers go and try to implement what was described in the blog…and it fails.
And the result? Parent readers think THEY are failing as a parent because “that everyday mom” was able to make this work, and I can’t. When in reality, perhaps that technique just wasn’t right for YOUR family!
Or perhaps the idea being shared wasn’t fully or properly communicated, so it was impossible for you to get it right in the first place (by the way…this also applies to MANY parenting books!).
In my experience with clients, parenting blogs are hardly ever a sense of comfort for those who are truly struggling with behaviors. Sure, some may make you laugh, some may make you feel like you’re not alone or crazy; these are valuable and important things!
However, there tends to be a lot of guilt and feelings of being a failure, too, as well as justifying practices/parent behaviors that are actually making your situation worse.
I’m all about empathizing and not imparting guilt about everyday struggles, but if there are some things you’re doing or mistakes that you’re making…I can’t just joke and make light of them…you deserve a solution!!!! I know you want one too.
Sure you laugh in the moment, but that very same thing keeps you up at night too.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think parenting blogs are perfect, or that this one will be either!
But, I hope you know that just because something worked for someone else, it does not mean they are an expert. They likely don’t know the reasons WHY it actually worked, and they have no way of telling whether it will or will not work for your family.
Every family needs a customized plan that takes all those factors I listed above (and more!) into consideration for it to truly be effective.
Parents need to understand their kids first and then receive the techniques for discipline, incentives, and emotional regulation. It’s important to actually know WHY these techniques will work for your kids. Then you know that you are using them correctly and have the motivation and proper mindset to follow through.
Are you tired of getting unreliable information from parenting blogs?
Wish you could just find something that works?
Are you open to your home totally transforming and learning how to enjoy your kids and help them to grow and overcome their challenging behaviors and emotions?
Sign up for your free consultation today to get started!
